Last yr (this same day), we got cable for the first time in 5 yrs. This morning we cancelled it again. Mostly a distraction and an expensive one for something we never use. Not exactly sure how I feel just yet, since I’ll be working from home all of next yr. lol
i feel a lot of different things currently:
- seeing so many of my online friends start businesses is inspiring. but it’s also daunting, esp. since i’m trying to find my own space to fill. i want to say it’s the more the merrier, but my reality is: the more the scarier.
- the holidays are a perfect time to sell. sell everything. sell anything. but for some reason i never find myself pushing out material the same way others do. i work all year long, all year round, so i like enjoying the peace and quiet around the holidays. for years in my marketing job i never had time to breathe, time to celebrate, time to relax. and now that i do - i just want to spend my time perfecting my holiday cards. the perfect holiday tags. and wrapping paper. all that i will use just for myself - nothing that i will sell. i like it this way.
- i just finished designing/ printing the last batch of holiday cards that i will give to my coworkers. 2014 will be a big year for me, and a scary one at that. i personalized each card with old memories and lots of gratitude. i think it’s finally (for the first time) really settling in that i am LEAVING. leaving my career to start a new one. which also means leaving all my favorite people.
- i started a new website… again… and as much as i want to make that part of my new career, i have a hard time being honest anywhere other than tumblr. everything else feels so impersonal, like it’s just for face. i don’t want that. but i also don’t know how to get passed that, esp. when the blog setting is completely different. such is my life.
- i’ve been thinking about KIDS a lot lately. like a lot a lot. and as much as i feel like i’m ready and that it’s the next big thing in my life, i cannot get over the idea that i am leaving so much behind to do my design work. the truth is i want to have kids - i would be happy if i was pregnant in the next yr. but i’ve worked so hard and so long and i’m giving up everything (including my health insurance) to see if i can make something of myself. i can’t risk having a baby while i’m risking the rest of my life. just not yet.. not quite yet.
- i keep hoping, and praying, that i’m making the right decision.
Today is one of those “everything is good” type of days. I had my follow up meeting with my CEO about my job —- (I put in my 2 weeks about 4 months ago, but stayed on til now to help the transition go smoother. Since then, I’ve been offered an opportunity with the job staying on for only 2 days a week, with a 30% pay increase. Crazy.) As tempting and amazing as the offer, and as much as I struggled back and forth - today I didn’t take it. Quite a surprise to myself since I walked in thinking I would, but instead, I walked out virtually unemployed (by choice) and felt super proud of myself. This was always my choice and what I wanted from the beginning, but the new offer was too good not to consider. But it ultimately came down to what I NEED to do for myself, professionally. And that meant leaving my absolute dream job in Marketing. Quite frankly, I feel absolutely liberated and a huge sense of relief.
I feel like this is the start of something major. I am so excited and scared and freaked out, but so proud of myself for staying true to what I really want in life. Onward and upward.
It’s an “I worked all morning so now I get to relax, drink tons of coffee, make salsa, cook everything, read everything, and create everything” kind of day.
I don’t know if it’s in the air, or the water, or what —— but all I’ve been feeling lately is stress. An intense crazy amount of stress.
My life is great and I have so many blessings, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I work my ass off. All the time. At every moment. While my personal business continues to bloom, the decisions surrounding my career are cloudy. I honestly don’t know what’s best for me anymore.
The fact is that I quit over 5 months ago. Before that, I planned and saved for an entire yr. I’ve been ready to make the leap for 1.5 yrs - but I’m still here, at my (undeniably amazing) job - one that is extremely taxing and demanding. Though also extremely fulfilling and rewarding. But my life can’t tolerate both anymore. There’s just no way.
The hardest part about my ultimate decision is how hard my company is fighting for me to stay. They have given me everything. Taught me everything. Given me every opportunity. And now that my time is up, they’ve given me an even better offer to stay onboard - and id only have to work 2x a week. They are willing to do anything just so that I stay part of the time, and I am so grateful. I just don’t know how to accept without compromising everything else I’ve worked so hard for. Worked SO hard for.
It’s all been so rough lately. If it’s not one deadline, it’s another. This week is extremely hard since I’m away for work today-sun, which meant I had to finish all freelance by yesterday. I am exhausted and not sure I’m enjoying the rewards of all my work.
I’m not ever really sure of what I’m saying anymore. I just want to make the right decisions, but right now, with my hard days and splitting migraines - it’s without doubt that this, THIS, just isn’t working.
All I hear is rain drops falling against my window…
it’s august now, and when i look back on this entire year, though i’ve done lots of traveling and playing and mini trips, all i seem to remember is work. literally - just work. working every day, every evening, and even every weekend.
needless to say, i am feeling extremely anti-social these days. i would almost always rather pass up going out just to finish up a project, or spend a sunday evening designing than at the movies. it’s probably been about 2 months or so since i’ve visited my mom - not because i don’t miss her, but because my workload doesn’t tend to stop.
the good news is that i finally have some really great candidates who will potentially get hired to replace my current fulltime marketing manager role. it’s exciting that i’ll finally have some time to breathe, some time to relax, some time to do —— nothing.
and though this is kind of a depressing post, i don’t regret any of it. i know that hard work always pays off. i’ve partied all my life, done countless crazy things, so though i haven’t been as social and/or as fun as i generally am, i’m happy with where i’m at and the opportunities i have because of my dedication. right now, the single most important thing to me is establishing myself as a designer and as a business.
on a side note, i recently found an old ‘life list’ i made several years ago. one of my life goals was to quit my job (no matter how much i loved it), and to start working for myself by the time i am 30. i am 29 this year and i’ve quit my job. i grinned ear to ear. <3
just de-activated 83 (83!!!) items in my shop, because i am slammed and busy and tired….. unfortunately for me, they are my best selling and most expensive items ($85/ order).
but! this will allow me my sanity back, even if for only a little while. i’ll survive.
An acquaintance of mine passed away this week. No one really knows what happened, just that her fiancé came home and found her unconscious in their bed. He thought she was just asleep….
She was also pregnant.
Things like this shake me to the core of my being. She was my age. She was healthy.
Right now, I am SO thankful for everything I have and everything I’ve been blessed with up to this point. I wish others the same.
it has been a long crazy week of work. i am SO glad it’s thursday, but i am so not glad that i have like 4 mtg’s scheduled for tmr.
however, i do believe i deserve a huge bouquet of flowers. yep, i do. on my agenda for tmr. <3
Everytime I end up in New York, I’m reminded how much I’m glad I never moved here. SO glad I decided last minute at the airport, over 7 years ago, that I was making a mistake taking a job in NYC. It’s just too condensed, dirty, and busy. I love my little life in Seattle.
4 days later and I’ve been ready to go home since day 2. Matt is sad we leave tomorrow, but I don’t share that same sentiment. :) I have enjoyed tons of amazing coffee, lots of great food and the best shopping ever.
BUT New York, as much as I love you - I can’t wait to go home!